Understanding Non-Verbal Communication

Understanding non-verbal communications is essential to a successful reading by the psychic intuitor.  No matter what language, humans have woven the gestures they use into the very fabric of our daily lives.  Everyone waves, points, and use their hands and bodies to communicate their feelings.  When we are arguing or speaking animatedly, we express ourselves with gestures often unconsciously.

The sitter will tell the intuitor much without ever opening their mouths.  Using, understanding and reading body language, gestures and sounds is not as difficult as it seems but does require practice and observation.  Often, the sitter will give non-verbal clues that can give away their feelings, no matter what they are saying.  If you think about it, we all use it every day.  The ability to recognize and use non-verbal communication is inborn to humans.  Watch the interaction between a parent and child to see non-verbal communication at its finest. 

Mother: “What’s wrong sweetheart?  Does your tummy hurt?”

Child: no answer but looks sad.

Mother: “Do you want to play with Freddie the Bear?”

Child: no answer but eyes light up

Mother: “Here you go.”

Child goes happily on its way.

Depending on the source, non-verbal communication makes up 70-90% of our communication, often called the language behind the voice.  Linguists estimated that about 7% of the information communicated is from the words, and tone, inflection and speed of the voice accounts for about 38% of information.  However, astoundingly, the remainder of the information, about 55%, comes from body language and gestures.

Non-verbal communication is important in many areas other than during a reading.  In the case of inter-personal relationships, understanding the other’s non-verbal communication can help someone know what the person is thinking.  For example, if a wife tells her husband it is OK to go out with his friends while she stays home watching TV, but she is standing there with her arms folded with a sarcastic tone in her voice and  facing away from him, her non-verbal language clearly tells him she is not happy.

Non-verbal communication is also helpful in law enforcement.  When the police question a subject, they listen to the non-verbal communication to see if the suspect is lying or telling the truth.  In the business world, the alert employer can learn about the interviewee by observing the gestures and other non-verbal communication.  Watching for shifty eye movement or nervous gestures may tell the Human Resources manager that the interviewee is telling not the truth.  Psychologists are trained to listen to non- verbal communication down to the very slightest movement or gesture.  Good poker players are keen on non-verbal communication.  They watch the other players’ movements and facial expressions to determine what types of cards other players are holding.  Things like looking at the cards often, pupil dilation and individual quirks tip off the gambler to who may have the highest hand.

Not only must the psychic intuitor be a good speaker and listener, the intuitor must be a good observer.  He must not only work with the divination method, he must be aware of the reactions of the sitter to his statements.  Sometimes, this seems like trying to pat your head while rubbing your belly.  However, this information is very important to the cold reader.  Posture, facial expressions, hand movements and voice modulation while speaking, all tell something about the sitter.  The intuitor must watch the sitter to see how the statements fit.  If the body language indicates the reader is going down the wrong path, he must notice this and switch direction to a more fruitful avenue.

There have been many books and lectures written on body language.  All successful people read and use non-verbal clues in business, interactions and everyday life but most are unaware that they using it.  To become a good intuitor, the intuitor should investigate the plethora of information on non-verbal communication.  The intuitor must understand the basics of this “behind the voice” area.  To deal with this topic in total would be a monumental task is itself.  This book will concentrate on the areas that are most applicable to becoming a psychic intuitor.

There are some key first steps in learning and understanding non-verbal communication.  The first is that you must always remember to interpret the non-verbal clues in context.  As you read the nonverbal language of the person, you must remember to place the interpretation of it in the context of the conversation or situation.  When interpreting body language, each movement has a meaning.  However, be wary, one must not read the movement solely on its own.  Body movements are like sentences, to be meaningful they must be observed in groups.  Trying to interrupt a single movement is like trying to understand the meaning of a word without the sentence around it.  The sentence and paragraph provides a greater meaning to the word than the word standing alone.  The same with reading body movements.  A movement or a group of movements may mean different things in different situations.

An example of body language that could be misread is a person crossing their arms.  Alone, it could mean disinterest or confrontation.  The combination of the crossed arms and the body shivering would indicate the person is cold and trying to warm him or herself.  However, in context, if the person was in a suitably warm environment with their arms crossed and shivering, it could mean they are frightened.  But if you add one more “word” to the “sentence” of body language, a flushed red skin, then the person may be sick with a fever.

The second key to understanding non-verbal communication is to look for consistency.  In order to truly observe the non-verbal clues, all other nonverbal clues he sitter is presenting must be consistent.  If someone's words do not match their non-verbal behaviors, this should be a sign to pay more attention and try to decode the incongruent behavior.  As a whole, the words and the non-verbal gestures present in the message must be consistent.  If not, the sitter saying something they may not truly mean or is trying to cover up something, conscious or not.  If the sitter is slowly moving their head side-to-side and saying, “Yes, I see that” clearly this is an obvious example non-consistent behavior.  The intuitor should notice an inconsistency like this and quickly reverse the statement or move on. 

The intuitor must also be careful that his nonverbal language matches the words he is presenting.  Research has shown that when someone’s words do not match the non-verbal gestures, the listener will ignore the verbal portion and focus on the non-verbal expressions.  Remember that both types of communication, verbal and non-verbal, must work together to convey the proper message during a reading.  The intuitor will improve the reading when the spoken communication and the non-verbal signals and gestures are coordinated, reinforcing and supporting what is being saying.

More non-verbal communication clues are explained in detail in the book.

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